This one is quite the story out of Orlando. A Florida man was rescued from a fountain dead smack in the middle of Lake Eola in Orlando. His cries for help were heard at 4am, surely puzzling authorities.

As it turns out, Keith Thurston (36), told police he took a large quantity of MDMA and stole a swan-shaped paddle boat to commiserate with swans “because they didn’t judge him”. Lake Eola is quite large and Thurston paddled all the way to the decorative fountain in its center. He got stranded there after the boat floated away when he was walking around the fountain.